Term has ended and if we weren’t about to move out of our house and be homeless for 4 months, I’d be so excessively chill right now but as it is we have a LOT to do before Friday morning. It’s a strange feeling to be moving without our house being ready (built!) and because of this, it doesn’t feel completely real. Come Friday afternoon, I will finally be able to relish the fact that I have completed my NQT teaching year successfully and have 5 weeks of summer holiday left to do the many, many things I want to do.
Of my 37 things, I have 12 still to complete:
- Read 50 books in
a year 12 months - I’ve read 33 books since my last birthday so far meaning I have to read 17 in one month… I am not sure I will manage this one!
- Re-watch the whole of Lost - almost complete. I will definitely get this one done.
- Make a quilt - nope
- Write a
weekly daily monthly journal from 2014 - nope
- Start a Project Life binder - I want this for my birthday so fingers crossed.
- Write a story – I have written SOME of a story. I doubt I will finish by the end of July.
- Go to a Zumba class – totally doable
- Go to a Pride parade – Leamington has a Pride festival today so this is doable.
- Visit Italy – Not happening this year :-(
- Paint the front door - no point since we are moving!
- Customise the cushions in the lounge - nope
- Fully qualify as a teacher – should be in the bag!
All in all, I’m feeling pretty good about this. As for the ones I won’t get done, I need to decide if they will make it onto my 38 things list which I will be making on my birthday.
Probably one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in is limbo. The not knowing, the uncertainty, the lack of control, it unravels me. Lately, I have been in a constant state of very low-level anxiety. It bubbles away and I don’t really know it’s there until something flares up and suddenly, I’m not coping as well as I should.
Whilst we have no reason to doubt that the sale of our house and the purchase of the new house will go ahead as expected, the lack of certainty pre-exchange along with the lack of any forecasted move date and the slow progress all means that I feel unable to get on with anything at all be that packing, house clearance or school work. We can’t make proper plans for anything. We can’t throw ourselves into planning for the new house since a) it might not happen still and we don’t want invest too much in it (emotionally as well as financially) and b) we can’t move in until it’s built which is now looking like November. That said we were able to make our kitchen, tile and carpet choices for the house which was equal parts fun and stressful (we want to get it right so badly!). I just hope we haven’t just wasted 2 weekends on choices for a house we don’t end up getting for some reason.
I find myself settling down to work or watch TV or even cook dinner and I have Exam Nerves with Sunday Night Feeling mixed with I’ve Done Something Bad (which I don’t think I have!) and it takes me a minute to realise it’s the limbo. The very low-level nature of my anxiety means that outwardly I am able to function pretty normally having fun weekends and yucking it up at work but it’s tiring. We knew that choosing a new house would mean feeling displaced for a while. This limbo waiting for everything to happen is making that displacement seem like a cakewalk in comparison. I hope I am right about that! I just need to keep repeating the mantra above: when nothing is sure, everything is possible.
- We celebrated Rich’s brother turning 40
- Rich and I celebrated being married 11 years
- We had lunch with Dad to celebrate his birthday
- We watched Captain America 2, Thor 2 and the Hobbit 2.
- We bought a brand spanking new house. Gulp.
There is still a long, long way to go (for instance, they need to build it, we need to get all the finances approved) but this is so blimmin’ exciting I can’t even tell you. Between now and October (anticipated completion) I am going to pinning to Pinterest within an inch of its life.
Simple but heartfelt, this little piece of sewing inspiration was for my teacher friend Kat who I met on placement last year. And Beyoncé is kind of our spiritual leader.
I haven’t done much in the way of crafting lately but I did manage to knock up a small piece of embroidery for my work bestie Louise for her birthday last month. We were almost Buzz and Woody for the staff talent show before Christmas but decided the costumes were too elaborate. I also liked the generally friendly message!
I found out today that Television Without Pity (or TWoP) is closing in a couple of days. I don’t think the archives of recaps that entertained me and validated my TV obsession will be accessible after 4 April. Their detail, their snarkiness, their understanding that hating is loving when it comes to Dawson’s Creek or Alias or Buffy, all will be dearly missed.
I stopped reading when I stopped watching TV in that pre-child way (marathon followed by marathon, time stretching out like a long, straight road). I wonder why everyone else stopped too. Did we just grow up? Did we not bring along any younger TV lovers? Do we consume TV so differently nowadays that there is no demand for an undoubtedly painstaking recapping service?
It makes me feel sad and, stupidly, guilty – like it was my lack of recent visits that brought the site to an end. I suppose I thought that these words would be available to re-read whenever I want. I have over the years revisited particular recaps like I’m visiting old friends. The recap of Dawson grieving his dad’s death by ice cream is a thing of beauty. Now I’m feeling panicky that these words are to be lost forever. I have a horrid feeling I will be spending a few hours tomorrow night saving those words instead of planning my lessons for the week.
Despite the fact that I rarely update it, I love the theme of my Raising Evelina blog so much that I have decided to bite the bullet and use it over here too. I was wavering because of the lack of sidebar (and I do love a sidebar) but I figured the large majority of people who read this (which is basically me and occasionally my mum) don’t probably use my sidebar anyway. This is pretty and clear and simple and uncluttered. And so pretty. Oh, I said that already.
I don’t generally think of myself as an unhappy person. I have a wonderful family, a great (if demanding) job and a lot of superb friends. Yet I was still intrigued by the #100HappyDays challenge that I had heard of – a colleague was doing it in order to focus on the positive things about our job as she was feeling somewhat disillusioned beneath the weight of the administrative duties of her new middle-manager role. The #100HappyDays website answered the question ‘why would I try’ by saying that people who have successfully completed the challenge claim to:
- Start noticing what makes them happy every day;
– Be in a better mood every day;
– Start receiving more compliments from other people;
– Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
– Become more optimistic;
– Fall in love during the challenge.
I am far too new at this teaching lark to be disillusioned but I already know the constant feeling of not being quite good enough, not being quite on top of things and the constant fear of letting the kids down. At the beginning of the year, I chose ‘positive’ to be my word for 2014 and right now, deep into the Spring Term with the clock ticking on my underachieving year 11s, I am struggling to keep that word at the forefront of my mind. Whilst my fundamental happiness may be intact, my day-to-day mood is less ‘happy’ or ‘positive’ and more ‘panicked’ and ‘exhausted’.
Enter #100HappyDays. I am doing this challenge to remind myself what a special career I have. I am doing it so I don’t lose sight of my priorities. I am doing it so that I can allow myself to focus, if only for a few moments a day, on myself instead of all the other people (big and small) in my life who I want to care for. My first two entries have involved TV and bacon which I would say is fairly representative of what makes me feel good. I wonder what the next 98 days will involve. I will be posting mainly on Instagram if you want to follow.